I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
