We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
