I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
