We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
