Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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