A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
