I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Everything about him screamed your future.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
