dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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