Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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