i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
