Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
