I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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