my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
