I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
