I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
