It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
