i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
