Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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