You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
