I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
