just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
