he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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