you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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