Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
