Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
