at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
