i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
