I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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