Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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