Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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