Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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