I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
