I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
