sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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