I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You can't just leave with hair like that
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
