I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
