Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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