i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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