I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
