Kiss
Puke
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
