anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
