bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
