I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
