Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
