DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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