is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
