god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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