Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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