were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
