i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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