why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
