Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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