so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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