1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
