So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
