he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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