I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
